One more thing you should know...

I also worship Brittany S. Pierce. I think she's the greatest thing since Kraft singles. She is the Unicorn of our lives. A moment of silence as we watch her brilliance...

I'd so totally do her.

some things are forever.

I'm [not] sorry, but the world is fulled with fucking pansies. Yes...it would be nice if everyone loved and shit was all hunky dory all the time...but it would also be boring as fuck. Now I hear Spain has banned bull fighting. Cock fighting is already down the tube unless you've lived in a couple dumpsters in your day and "met" people to locate the undergrounds. Are all our old, sacred traditions going to die because we've decided the destruction and murder of animals for our entertainment is "wrong"? Pretty soon I won't be able to enjoy a peanut butter and newt sandwich without getting a mob of people fighting for the slippery little amphibian's life.

ohhh Canada...

you should know that i'm grateful to your country for one thing. Robin Sparkles. without her, i never would've found meaning in my life. i love you, Robin Sparkles.

it's cucumbering...

the end of the world that is. first...i woke up. and i turned on the radio in the bathroom like i do every morning as i want to kill myself just to avoid moving from my comfy bed. on my way to the bathroom i make sure i kick a couple garden midgets for good luck and wonder again why i think a ficus might be wiser than a pot plant.

but i digress...the radio was dead air. damn you, Matt Segal. then Billy's cackling scared me and i almost puked by accident (for once) with the toothbrush. i'm trying to remember where this story was going, but the Indian kid came by last night. i paid him in portion with a scratch ticket. which was apparently only valid in New Hampshire. only me, i thought...wait. now we've gone third person. let's try to find our feet again.

first, the radio. now...i can't get on perezhilton. because deep down, aren't we all angry fat gay kids? this upsets me though a lot more when i realize all my dirty gossip shit is down. i'm going to slip back into my vertical coma now. activate CLONE POWER!

Parental Pleasing

If you wait long enough...*cough* twentysomethingyears *cough*...you'll figure out what it takes to make your family proud. Usually it takes a family death of sorts. Let me tell you a story...an awesome story...of a creation. A name creation like no other.

Let's start by painting the picture. It's warm. I think. The air is filled with stale booze filled tears of death as 4 of the family of 5 discuss what an appropriate pseudonym would be for a wildly obnoxious and inappropriate twentysomething broad.

That day, I'm not sure if it was due to the excessive floral smell or the leftover stank of the sweet sticky, but something magical happened. The father proved that nurture is just as strong as nature as he and the aforementioned broad discovered the perfect pseudonym for such a vivacious, skank of a girl.

They laughed away the tears (which I sobbed out again minutes later) as it came to them.

Vajeena (pronounced vajeena) Velvet. And a garnet was born.

P.S. What an ugly colored birthstone. Who's dumbass does that idea belong to?

and then the birdies sang...

well. since i've decided to delete Facebook because...well...to be honest, i just continuously realize how much i dislike people...i need some sort of outlet. i just need some way to amuse myself. i really don't give 2 shakes of Sarah Palin's left tit if i'm the only one ever to read this here blogfest.

however...you should probably know...i'm kind of a big deal.