Apocalypse 952.0

This just puts a smile on my face, so i felt the need to immortalize it in this here thingy. I can't get over how beautiful it is. Even though this clearly means that alien lifeforms are showing us pretty things before they attack. I'm now accepting applications for males who want to cater to my every need in a giant hole in the ground. (Please include a headshot because, unfortunately for most, I'm rather shallow)

I hope you dance, Batman

Dearest Eric Matthews,

You should probably know that I'm madly in love with you. When I was just a wee lass, I used to believe it was the sexually arrousing Shawn Hunter I was meant to be with, but I was so silly. And oh, so very wrong. It is you who forever holds my heart.

You first captured my heart when you began flipping your hair repeatedly in a mind blowing manner as a high school student. Then, as you progressed and matured into a more meaningful Feeny Call and began to openly share your love for boobies and tushies, I just couldn't stop myself for falling into your trap of love.

Whether it's your genius Good Looking Guy idea, your sexy commentary in a Time Continuum Vortex, or your most attractive self later in life going by the name Plays with Squirrels, I just can't contain my intense feelings for you.

I love you, Plays with.

Vv

P.S. I often imagine you creating a call even better than the Feeny call for me...your soul mate.

P.P.S. I would also like to do you dirty as Shante Dubois. You dirty little French girl. ;-)

An oldie, but oh so goodie.

Get out your paraphernalia kiddies and toke a little wacky and enjoy the following video...

You're welcome.

Fact of the Year

The best part about living alone is being able to order porn on PPV without any awkward conversations.

Oh Canada (Part Dos)

Because...it's the greatest thing since going to the MALL!

oh happy days.

Welcome to My Life

I'd like to give you (well mostly myself since I'm the only one who reads this) an inside look into my life. Today, for example, I decided to go home for lunch and be all productive and shit and do some reading for one of my classes (exotic dancing).
Upon my departure following a quick split down on a dildo, the moment I shut the door, I came to a realization. My keys are on the other side of said door. My keys also run my car. Fortunately, I live about half a mile from work which is good because after giving the ole credit card trick a go for a half hour I needed to walk.
So now we've come to realize that the only spare set of keys is about say, 30 minutes away at my parents' home. My solution? Borrowing a company van to drive to get my spare set.
Why is this solution so entertaining?
Me driving the company van. Picture Smurfette driving down your street in a supped up low rider with "BITCH, PLEASE" sprayed on the side and Baby Got Back bumpin' on her system.
I lost my train of thought, but that's just how it goes..

Too good not to.

Picture this...you're walking out to your car from the grocery store with a carriage full of stolen food (...just because) and the midgets you hired to work as a distraction in the little people heist of the century and suddenly...you notice a Buick. A very mobile Buick, despite its being in park. That's when you glance in the window and your life is changed forever. Why you ask? Because in the middle of the afternoon during your normal grocery store dealings, there's 2 people having intercourse in the beauty that is a Buick Regal.

I forgot the scarring part. That stud is a ripe old age of 54, while our beauty on the right, who looks like it wasn't her first Buick "ride" that day, is just 71.

To furthur illustrate the brilliance of this man, his response to the cops when asked what he was doing was beautiful and poetic. "I'm fucking this chick."